Running Where?
21. Identical Twin. I love photograpy, writing, and running, even when they don't love me back. I've probably had more injuries in my running career than you can think of but I never let these trials get me down. I love challenges and proving the non-believers wrong :)
okayyyyyy
So yesterday’s appointment was really disappointing. This doctor had to have the worst bedside manner in the entire world. He walks in and starts asking me about my knee. Asks about my history and the procedures I’ve had done. He mentions that there is an off “divet” on my kneecap that showed up on the X-ray and asked if I ever fractured it, especially when I initially fell on the black ice. I told him that all the X-rays were normal when I first got my knee checked out so I asked him what this mysterious divet could mean and if it was what was causing the pain and he just brushed me off. I understand that he can’t tell because he never saw my knee pre and post surgery, but I know for sure that pre surgery it was normal and post surgery nothing should have been done to my knee cap - just my patella tendon. The surgery report said nothing about my actually patella. But he just breezed by my questions without answering them.
Then he bend and pushed on my knee briefly and I told him about the popping and clicking that had my PT really concerned and he ignored me again. I asked him if he thought scar tissue could be caught under the patella causing tracking issues and he ignored me again.
After his quick little check up he sat down and told me I should never run again. He said that he had two of the same surgeries and he just “knows.” He told me if I did I would just destroy myself and that I needed to just adapt and live with it. He said my pain was because the muscles were weak and I should just focus on strengthening the muscles. While I fully agree with that he still didn’t answer any of my questions about the clicking.
Then he got up and walked out after my mom asked a question and he didn’t even answer it.
I am angry, upset, and shocked. I want those X-rays and I want to go back to my original surgeon to try and get some answers.
Until then I’m stopping all activity except for strengthening. I can only do very minor strengthening exercises because everything else causes pain. So we have to get my knee settled so I can REALLY strengthen. So no more pool running and what not since it doesn’t feel completely normal when I pool run (its not painful, but it doesn’t feel right).
I feel like a hollow shell. I may look alive from the outside, but I’m completely dead on the inside.
